I type this post in a somber mood. In recent days, circumstances have caused me to feel anguish in my soul. I would say that i hit rock bottom so called. I felt like i did not deserve God's love, nor anything that i have had. Needless to say, i took a good hard look at my spiritual health and realised that i have been found wanting.

Putting aside the fact that i am serving in church, cell leading etc etc, ive realized that my spiritual condition has been lukewarm at best. Gone are the days where i seek God's presence with the same intensity, gone are the days where ive pleaded with God to give me a word during QT. In recent days, its been more of a routine, 45mins to 1 hours "devotion" time that i do to make myself feel good, to reassure myself that i was being a good christian. But God is merciful, he turns the good into bad. He's always looking out for me.

Isaiah 38:17 - Surely it was for my benefit that i suffered such anguish, in your love you kept me from the pit of destruction; you have put all my sins behind your back.

this verse, which came to me today really put it all into perspective. I will not go further into it but i pray that it might speak to you in the opportune time as well.

Friends, before i go into the thoughts of todays readings, i really want to pray that we all see the urgency of seeking Jesus, of making Jesus our number 1 priority. That verse above was such a timely encouragement to me, it showed me once again, that God is real, he wants to be in my life.

So what does all of that have to do with today's reading?

Firstly, i do not want to be a hypocrite. That is to read one thing, to share one thing, and then not to act it out. Yes we are not perfect, but Christ in me is. That power in us, that is enough. We can be obedient, we can fight our way out of the pit, we can live and practice what we preach. Why? Because Christ is in us. What ive shared above, i pray that i will carry it through, that its not just some emotional moment, that it is a commitment.

Secondly, integrity is something that ive always held dear to my heart. Speaking to my godma today, she was saying that if there comes a day where my job requires me to do something unethical or lose my job, then i should decide to do the wrong thing, no questions asked. That is character, that is God's holiness, not a hint of dishonesty. And i do want to do that. I want to think that when we are all face with that decision, we can "judge" ourselves rightly and choose to do the right thing. I believe thats where our foundation has to be on Jesus, never wavering, always firm.

And lastly, to be merciful.

Just as God was merciful to me in the last few days, just as he has revealed to me mercy, love and forgiveness through the people around me, I too want to have that mercy. Not to judge by my standards, but to mercifully accept, love and to 'remove the speck from another's eye".

My brothers and sisters, keep enduring and persevering in this race, for his name's sake, for he is truly all we need. Pray hard, immerse yourself into his word, sing to him with all you God.

Humbly and in his love,

Jems